V. Effectology in Human Relations
"What you do not like when done to yourself do not do to others."
Questions that will be considered:
How accidental are human relationships?
Can we control accidents in life?
How different are men and women?
The above ancient Confucian saying remains valid today. Its moral and judgmental aspects open endless accidental interpretations about how men should behave toward each other. In each individual's existence the feelings of love, happiness, satisfaction, hate, anger, fear, compassion, and so on, are reactions towards the outside world. A falling object, an unfaithful partner, success at an exam, food cooked well or poorly, catching a cold, and anything else that produces effects and affects our thinking, also affects our judgment. All these great feelings and common happenings in one's existence are called life, which we question so much and so hard.
Niccolo Machiavelli believed that human decisions, not divine intervention or destiny, bring success in life. In other words, man's actions do and undo his own destiny. To prolong his life, he tries to plan his actions and choices as they fit his aim and responsibilities. It would be ideal if these intentions flowed in perfectly timed order, leading to success without any failures. In reality, we suffer the interference of many changing forces, which I call, of course, accidents.
Modern times produced sociobiology with the intent to study how humans are affected by social behaviors. With no intention of sinking into such a vast and debatable subject, I do wish to touch upon imageor how we see each other.
It is hard not to admit that image is what impresses us the most. The proud walk, a confident handshake, a winning look, an intelligent pose, voice delivery, the pleasant way someone approaches a subject, an inviting smile, and other seductive hints about character initally make us like and trust an individual. The entire "package" makes a favorable impression, and we adjust our thinking according to it. Very often, this kind of superficial subjectivity leads to judgmental mistakes.
Each person works hard to educate and improve his or her image, just to project that kind of favorable image to others. To be well liked is seen as a key in being successful; one is more likely to be hired by the best companies, married to one's optimum choice, more likely to have a happy life. But this is where the accident-factor comes into play.around What makes the difference is what others think about us, regardless how good we are. For instance, you walk into an office for a job interview looking like a winner. Of course, you are little aware that in the next few seconds, the interviewer has already made his or her decision about your appearance. Sad but true, the person you try to impress so much may simply hate you.
The reason is subjective and accidental. You resemble a person the interviewer despises; you look too good, too young and too healthy, while the person in charge with your destiny is ugly, old and sick. You are too educated and too smart, and that presents an imminent threat to the position of the person who will be your boss. To him or her, you are too good for our own good, and you do not stand a chance. On the other hand, the distressful image of one who looks and acts ugly, shows no respect for himself and for others, and displays an attitude that spells "loser," does not stand a chance either
The art of imagery in any human relationship is to eliminate any accidental details that may work against you. Never be smarter and better dressed than your superior, and never try to be his or her equal. The same principle applies to your spouse and your friends. If one does not want to make that compromise, then that person must try to be his own boss and start his own business. In this way, he will be the judge of others and repeat the same mistakes he once despised about the others.
The conclusion is: it's not what you think you are that is most important, but what others believe you are. "It is in the eye of the beholder." It comes down to the basic gut feeling of "likes" and "dislikes." It is determined by the inborn friendly approach and irresistible smile that many individuals display instantly. Others inspire fear and repulsion.
More important than imagery and other embellishments we work so hard to project is the undisputable power of thinking. Thinking can be formal (use of languages, knowledge about things), preventive (to judge a situation, to make a decision), and abstract (to formulate ideas and theories, to speculate). Regardless of which form is presented, thinking affects our relationships with our peers more than anything.
Thinking consists of reflective ideas about our surroundings. Descartes defined "ideas" in many ways: thoughts existing in the minds of men, the changing sense of perceptions or reflections, the sensitivity of thinking, and the way minds operate.
Philosophical thinking and inquiries are not always the best and most rational tools with which to see things. Besides, they do not seem to apply to the real world. Verbal skills and rehearsed attitudes can be fake and deceiving. Education and refinement only go so far, because nothing can change one's true nature. A person's spontaneous impulses are the best indication of the real him or her. A minor accidental factor can ruin much of those beautiful curriculum vitae points one worked so hard to achieve.
Meanwhile, we still inherit a primitive brain, the input of food perception is one of the strongest feelings that bond humans. Indeed, good foods make people happy and bad ones sad. Just like in the animal world, much of the courtship between a man and a woman takes place during "wining and dining." Indeed, food is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Business deals also are stimulated around a good meal, and often a boss is more approachable after lunch than before it. Lack of food is always a reason for a fight, and food bribery can change even strong minds.
Regardless of intellectual, economic, or political achievements, the way people exteriorize basic reflexeshow they sneeze, yawn, laugh and crytells what kind of person they basically are. The way they manifest their uncontrolled urges shows how civilized and close to human perfection, or to the animal world, an individual is.